Do you or do you not have a giraffe called Terrance? 

Yes, yes I do. 

What is the most important fact about you? 

1. Onion is my enemy. I
2. If you don’t respect animal rights as much as human rights I have little respect for you. 

How tall are you? 

Not at all. 

How old are you? 

I am a person of a certain age. And by ‘certain’ I mean somewhere between 0 and infinity. But I’m not infinity, that would be old. 

Do you honestly get asked these questions frequently? 

No, but I like to pretend that maybe one day if I’m interesting people will want to ask me uninteresting questions. 

Are you going to continue asking yourself these banal questions? 

Yes, thank you. 

What kind of music do you like? 

Music of the good variety, like The Matches, Maniac, Motion City Soundtrack, Brighten, Jack’s Mannequin, Cajun Dance Party, Anthony Green, Fun., Something Corporate, The Spice Girls, The Backstreet Boys, Aaron Carter and other such musical geniuses… (Okay so I might not be wholly joking about liking Aaron Carter, but we all have guilty pleasures, no?) 

Do you spend most of your time making funny faces at the mirror? 

Yes. It takes me two hours to get ready: ten minutes to get dressed, ten minutes to do my hair and face and the rest of the time laughing at my brilliant facial expressions. It’s a hard life. 

Do you love me? 

That depends, do you have chocolate cake? 

Will you look at my blog? 

If your blog has anything to do with giraffes, of course! Otherwise the answer is probably, if it captures my attention in an attention capturing way. (Yelling at me is attention getting, but on the whole, not so appreciated.)